Nine Types of Job Interviews

handshake

Phone call

A lot of people don’t like this, and I don’t get why. You can stay at home in pyjamas with notes in front of you, they’re the least cursed type.

Skype call

The second least cursed – only presentable from the waist up, no travel, notes out of frame.

You really made me come all this way for that?

I.e., recite your CV to us for five minutes. It’s obvious they haven’t read it, and there’s no reason for this not to be a call unless handshake quality is really important. Hopefully you didn’t have to go too far.

Scammy scheme

You turn up and there’s a crowd of other interviewees. You’re handed a little form to fill out, with more emphasis on your interests than your experience. They ask you almost nothing, but spend ten minutes giving you a spiel about their ‘training program’ or whatever – as though anybody actually believes they’ll become a manager in six months, seeing as the same job is advertised every three months. Commission only. The job advert was either cloyingly faux-ironic or outright misleading. Any sufficiently desperate extrovert can get it.

Standard

Just the standard type, they know what they’re doing. It’s fine.

Amateur interviewer

They’re more awkward than you are. Sort of refreshing, but it can be annoying.

Casual chat

You were probably told not to dress formal, and the first thing they say is not to worry, it’s only a chat. Much like the standard interview in practice, though a bit more relaxed, and the interviewer is usually better at asking useful follow-up questions.

Sherlock HR-olmes

If HR could put you in an MRI during the questioning, they would. A long tedious affair, more suited to a NASA application than an entry-level office job. What would you do in several scenarios? How do you schedule? What meme are you? (I got asked this, said salt bae because it was the first I thought of. They said, ‘oh, so you’re a salty person.’ Jfc, there’s a wrong answer to the meme question!?!) Where were you on the night in question? Feels like a malicious therapist.

Practical

You have to do a short test or example. Whether this is cursed or blessed depends on the field and the test’s actual relevance. It can be artificial and pointless, or it can be a chance to cut through all the bs and be judged on your ability to do the actual work for once. You’ll also realise how long it’s been since you used a pen to write more than a sentence or two.

4 thoughts on “Nine Types of Job Interviews

  1. Very thorough list, but may I respectfully submit a tenth? The Ghosted, in which an interview is set up but either cancelled at the last minute by the interviewer, or no one at the company seems to know anything about it XD

    Liked by 1 person

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